Who Do You Want to Be?

We all want to be successful, but have you ever taken the time to think about what success means to you?

As school kids we're evaluated against standard metrics, and often in our work we write our personal development plans against a rubric for the role we're in, always encouraged to strive to get to the next level in the system.

But what should you do if you find yourself in a system that wasn't designed for you? You end up feeling like a failure, the joy seeping out of you as each performance review cycle rolls around, your motivation dying at your desk.

What if you could step outside the system?

In 2016 we were living in Sydney, Australia and starting to attain a little bit of success. We'd spent the first few years after we moved there from New Zealand paying off $140,000 of student loans, business and credit card debt. Out from under that cloud we were chasing promotions and saving for a house deposit. It was what we were supposed to do, according to everyone around us. For us though, we wanted more freedom than was being offered to us at the next level.

That realisation ended up being the catalyst to create our own definition of success. We saved for another year (much faster now that we had a goal that really motivated us), packed our bags and went traveling. While we're not exactly living in the "quit your job and go traveling economy" now, time spent on your own, or with a partner, to get curious about what you want is always a good investment.

Success is not what you do, it’s who you are

If you're feeling stuck at work or frustrated at your job progression, maybe you need to re-scope the definition of success you're chasing. Look at the people at the next level, do you want what they have? Or, if you really think about it, do you want something different?

There's an incredible little book called The Go-Giver that Adam Grant calls "the most important parable about business - and life - of our time." In it, the authors conclude that the most successful people measure success not by what they do or what they accomplish but by who they are.

Back in 2016 we focused on what we wanted to do, but now, the more important question to ask yourself in pursuit of success is: "Who do I want to be?"

Try this Prompt

One of the ways to find an answer to that perhaps daunting question is to think about what you hope people will say about you when you're gone. Carve out some time to draft an obituary-style tribute you'd hope to be true about yourself. Or try this prompt with your favourite generative AI tool:

“I want to do an exercise to clarify what success means to me by imagining how I hope to be remembered. Please help me by interviewing me one question at a time until you’ve asked 10 questions. Use my answers, along with what you know about me, to draft an obituary that reflects the life I aspire to live and the impact I hope to make.”

This is the first in a four-part series on Success. The next part of defining success for yourself is working out what you value.